where is that someone

i have a meeting this morning.i'm not in mood of doing things, what i have in mind is just laid back until 10 am.since i'm in division of technology, my schedule is thight. when i open my planner for march, almost all column is written with reminders, meetings etc.

i feel like missing something in my everyday life. yes i am.. i'm not happy... people see i'm smiling...laughing.... but inside me, i have nothing...empty....
those days, i have someone to think about... someone to love... someone to care of.... someone to sms to... someone to be with... (even not in regular basis)..someone for everything.... but now that someone is like stranger to me... but in my life that someone is still exist...still here ...and always here... in my heart....

i have no idea, how long i can stay... i know, one day i will collapse. i'm not tough anymore... i'm not what i am..... melancholy everyday....

why the feeling is still strong inside me? untill now i still pray for the best...
everyday i said my prayer... but allah never answer my prayer... (yet to be answered ... my hope)... i still put on my hope for this... i have no idea why... i never like this.....

"susah untuk menyayangi seseorang, tapi bila sudah terlanjur sayang, susah untuk melepaskan"

"Hey... u look younger than your age..."

during group discussion in my english class, one of my friend, Sabaruddin did ask me bout school time. he kinda suprise when i said, i sat for my SPM in 93, cuz he did it in 91. he is 2 years older than me. he thought i was from 5 inlater years or something... the best part, he said " you look younger.." huh??? hey i'm going to be 30... but he said i didnt look like 1...ye ker??? then everyone in the group ask me the rahsia... errr... am i look young... if that is true, alhamdulilah... thanks god for this anugerah... i never bother bout my skin,... facial and everything when i was really young... just a cleanser for a daily use. when i became 28, i start realised the lines and black circle under my eyes, look ugly huh. but i still didnt really care eventhough i'm concern. my face is a bit oily around the T-zone but my cheecks dry. my x-dear is same age as myself.then i start thinking, i'm gonna look older than him one day.... i must take a good care of my skin...especially my face. last year i put an effort to try range of skin care. it's clinique... starting with the basic 3 steps, cleanser-toner-moisterizer.... then i try the scrub n mask... not to forget the eye cream for day n night... now i'm trying a new total turn around essence... plus the night cream and total defense for day cream which i got it free... emmm what else?? on my part i realised the dark circle under my eyes became lighter, even the lines is stil there.... some of my friends even noticed this... that is one of the factor to stay and look young....today i'm happy.....

MEDAN Again....

18 feb 06

after breakfast, we walk around the street looking for money changer, the commercial banks in closed on Saturday. Luckily we found. Kitorang sebenarnya takut nak keluar sorang2, macam di Bangkok dulu pun kami boleh keluar sorang2. apabila keluar sahaja dari hotel orang2 beca dah ikut kami. Takde privacy langsung!
We actually not in a mood to go to anywhere anymore! But then since we already here, we must look for souvenir huh! Kami Cuma ke pasar ikan lama ( tempat jual kain, souvenir etc). after lunch we headed to Medan mall, looking for some original CDs and cassettes. It’s so cheap! Last month I bought Have a nice Day – bon jovi here in Malaysia, it cost me RM46, but in medan it’s only rp45000 or rm18. aku memang tak pernah terfikir untuk beli semua tu, tapi bila one of my friend pesan untuk aku belikan cd peter pan, so aku carikkan lah. CD Radja …sold out ma!
Lagi satu, kami memang sick of the local people there. Terutama pengemudi beca, dan yang lain lah, tak habis2 nak mintak tips. Lagi satu, masa mula2 letak harga lain, lps tu naik kan harga. Kami memang hilang mood terus untuk. Kami plan untuk tengok konsert peter pan yang kebetulan ada pada malam ni. Rm10 jer, mana nak dapat kat Malaysia. Tapi sebab langsung dah takde mood, kami cancel jer. Lebih baik lepak kat hotel yang tak best langsung tuh!

19 feb 06

today is our last day in medan. Kami bertolak ke lapangan terbang selepas sarapan di hotel, jam 6.45. memang tak sabar sgt dah nak balik Malaysia. Guess what, kami jumpa brother2 raihan, sama flight. Dorang ada konsert kat acheh. Kalau di Malaysia aku tak tegur, but kat sana aku tegur dorang, to say that I’m Malaysian, proud to be a Malaysian.
Indonesia dari segi infrastruktur memang dah ada, tapi mungkin disebabkan kepadatan dan tahap kemiskinan penduduk yang ketara menjadikannya jauh berbeza dari Malaysia.
Sop ask me to join her n friends to Solo this coming June, but I refused. First is because of financial matter, and another thing is about my one month attachment program in Germany this coming june. If I’m listed for the attachment, I only going there after world cup, kalau time world cup ok gek. We arrived kl around 11 am

Danau Toba

17 feb 06

after we had breakfast, we took a walk to nearby pasar and looking for something from Lake Toba. suddenly one Malaysian guy greet us. Ada lah jugak visitor dari Malaysia masa tu. Forgot to mention there’s another Malaysian we met, a pensioner couple from SS2, PJ. Van untuk kami pulang ke Medan sampai jam 1.30. we arrived Medan late evening. Jalan raya memang sesak, dengan cara pemanduan yang aku sendirik tak paham, buat aku lebih cuak. Tapi takde pulak accident. Satu pelajaran dari cara pemanduan mereka, pemandu-pemandu di sana langsung tidak berhemah, tetapi mereka sabar. Tapi di Malaysia, kita berhemah semasa memandu, tetapi tidak sabar. So mungkin sabar tuh menyebabkan kadar kemalangan hampir tiada disana. All the way from medan to lake toba and return, I can read the advertisement and sign, but most of them I cant really understand. Agak-agak ajerr. Semasa di Lao PDR dan Bangkok dulu, aku langsung tak reti n tak paham apa yang ditulis, tetapi bila bahasa melayu pun tak paham. Walaupun mereka orang melayu tetapi benyak perbezaan.
Sampai di Medan kami cari hotel dan looking for money changer, but all closed. Malam tu, we had dinner at nearby food stall and took a ride with a trishaw to see Medan at night. It cost us rm5.

MEDAN

16 feb 06

Pesawat airasia AK 936 mengambil masa 55 minit dari KUL ke MES. Kami tiba di lapangan terbang Polonia jam 8.25 waktu tempatan (1 jam lewat berbaning waktu Malaysia). Teksi dari lapangan terbang ke pekan medan cost us rp 50000 – lebih kurang rm20. menurut pemandu teksi tersebut ini pertama kali dia jumpa 2 girls travel to Medan without agent, they normally 4 or 5 in a group plus must have guy in a group and normally travel trough agent. So we learnt a lesson. Kami menempah kenderaan dan penginapan ke Danau Toba. perjalanan mengambil masa lebih 4 jam. Tapi cara pemanduan mereka membuatkan aku takut, huh, he almost hit the lorry. So scary!!! Tapi mereka memang cekap, dalam perjalanan tu, aku percaya jer yang takde apa apa akan berlaku. Dalam hati aku tetap berdoa supaya semua selamat. Sampai di danau toba, we took a nap. Penat sangat dah. Then go out for sight seeing. Pemandangan disana memang aku tak boleh gambarkan dengan perkataan. We then took a boat riding to batu tergantung (it’s a myths – macam ‘stalettite’ je) then to Samosir island – perkampungan org batak. Aku cuak jugak masa kat sana, tak berani sgt nak tgk tgk2 barang2 yang dijual since aku dah kene tarik and dipaksa beli. They had released sop but not me. Teringat pesan pemandu teksi di medan tadi. Orang batak memang kasar, so cakap apa yang perlu sahaja katanya. Then we decided untuk bagitau kami pelajar dari Jakarta. Malam tu dah tak berani keluar. We slept early.