.....iT's mY LifE.....

The first time i went to Sandakan was march 2005, before i flew bact to KL, i did asked someone, the answer make me happy, i knew i gonna be in Sandakan again. This time, before i went back to KL, i never ask anybody, but i'm really sad. Dunno, either i'll be in Sandakan again or else.........

21 April 06 AK 5162, KUL – SDK was about 10 minutes behind schedule and arrived Sandakan at 4.55pm. Luckily my friend fetch and send me to Samila Hotel. I was very tired and hungry, since I don’t have enough rest a day before. There’s KFC down the hotel but I don’t feel like eating chicken. Luckily I have company by another friends for dinner. The hotel’s horrible. I can sleep well. 22 April 06 I woke up and get ready for the trip. Walked down the street to Wisma Khoo. I met Marcy of wildlife, and settle the payment. The driver fetch at 8.15am with another guy from Denmark, his name Hens, he works in Germany. This nice and handsome guy went to Sukau and myself to Selingan Island. I cant really noticed the name of the places I had been through all the way to jetty. But I still can spotted few names like, Sg Sibuga, Padas etc. From Padas jetty we moved to Libaran island for lunch. Such a nice place for few days off from my busy life. After lunch we proceed to Selingan Island, the boat ri...

Hari ini 8 April. 30 tahun lalu aku dilahirkan di Hospital Kuala Lumpur. Hari ini, aku menyambut hari ulang tahun tersebut di tempat tumpah darahku itu, kerana kebetulan adik aku dimasukkan ke wad bersalin. Terima kasih adik2 yang tidak lupa pada harijadi aku. Korang jer yang along ada. Terima kasih kepada akak2 yang bersama di yow chuan malam tadi. Terima kasih juga pada kawan yang setiap tahun tidak pernah lupa pada harijadi aku, maaf kerana tidak dapat memenuhi pelawaan makan malam sempena harijadi aku. Terima kasih pada kawan2 dan cousins atas ucapan selamat harijadi, terima kasih atas ingatan semua. Aku rasa sedih jer harinih. Tatau lah kenapa, kalau mak dan ayah masih ada….. Masih aku ingat… harijadi ku 5 tahun dulu, ayah telefon dan berpesan. Mungkin bagi ayah, umur 25 tahun itu sudah cukup dewasa bagi aku untuk menempuhi cabaran hidup. Aku tak dapat nak ingat setiap patah perkataan ayah, tapi maksud kata-kata ayah, “ awak dah 25 tahun hari ini, dah dewasa untuk menempuh hidup i...

mana silapnya arah yang aku jejaki yang aku temu hanya pintu sepi dalam keriuhan kurasakan kekosongan jiwaku dahaga kasih sayang masih tak bertemu yang ku cari dulu hati masih berlagu dalam langkah perjalanan terkeliru hilangnya arah tuju sungguh lama terpisah pandangan sejak detik akhir pertemuan jauh meninggalkan dirimu dan diriku terpisah bersama waktu sejauh mana sekalipun ku berlari ingatan padamu menghantui aku tak mengerti dan tidakku mampu lagi menahan gelora hati ini inginku kembali ke jalan yang dulu aku rindu padamu moga dibukakan semua pintu-pintu untukku bersamamu ingin aku mendaki semula tangga tangga ke pintu bahagia mencari cahaya cinta yang sebenarnya antara aku dan dia

i have a meeting this morning.i'm not in mood of doing things, what i have in mind is just laid back until 10 am.since i'm in division of technology, my schedule is thight. when i open my planner for march, almost all column is written with reminders, meetings etc. i feel like missing something in my everyday life. yes i am.. i'm not happy... people see i'm smiling...laughing.... but inside me, i have nothing...empty.... those days, i have someone to think about... someone to love... someone to care of.... someone to sms to... someone to be with... (even not in regular basis)..someone for everything.... but now that someone is like stranger to me... but in my life that someone is still exist...still here ...and always here... in my heart.... i have no idea, how long i can stay... i know, one day i will collapse. i'm not tough anymore... i'm not what i am..... melancholy everyday.... why the feeling is still strong inside me? untill now i still pray for the best....

during group discussion in my english class, one of my friend, Sabaruddin did ask me bout school time. he kinda suprise when i said, i sat for my SPM in 93, cuz he did it in 91. he is 2 years older than me. he thought i was from 5 inlater years or something... the best part, he said " you look younger.." huh??? hey i'm going to be 30... but he said i didnt look like 1...ye ker??? then everyone in the group ask me the rahsia... errr... am i look young... if that is true, alhamdulilah... thanks god for this anugerah... i never bother bout my skin,... facial and everything when i was really young... just a cleanser for a daily use. when i became 28, i start realised the lines and black circle under my eyes, look ugly huh. but i still didnt really care eventhough i'm concern. my face is a bit oily around the T-zone but my cheecks dry. my x-dear is same age as myself.then i start thinking, i'm gonna look older than him one day.... i must take a good care of my skin...e...

18 feb 06 after breakfast, we walk around the street looking for money changer, the commercial banks closed on Saturday. Luckily we found. Kitorang sebenarnya takut nak keluar sorang2, macam di Bangkok dulu pun kami boleh keluar sorang2. apabila keluar sahaja dari hotel orang2 beca dah ikut kami. Takde privacy langsung! We actually not in a mood to go to anywhere anymore! But then since we already here, we must look for souvenir huh! Kami Cuma ke pasar ikan lama ( tempat jual kain, souvenir etc). after lunch we headed to Medan mall, looking for some original CDs and cassettes. It’s so cheap! Last month I bought Have a nice Day – bon jovi here in Malaysia, it cost me RM46, but in medan it’s only rp45000 or rm18. aku memang tak pernah terfikir untuk beli semua tu, tapi bila one of my friend pesan untuk aku belikan cd peter pan, so aku carikkan lah. CD Radja …sold out ma! Lagi satu, kami memang sick of the local people there. Terutama pengemudi beca, dan yang lain lah, tak habis2 nak mint...

17 feb 06 after we had breakfast, we took a walk to nearby pasar and looking for something from Lake Toba. suddenly one Malaysian guy greet us. Ada lah jugak visitor dari Malaysia masa tu. Forgot to mention there’s another Malaysian we met, a pensioner couple from SS2, PJ. Van untuk kami pulang ke Medan sampai jam 1.30. we arrived Medan late evening. Jalan raya memang sesak, dengan cara pemanduan yang aku sendirik tak paham, buat aku lebih cuak. Tapi takde pulak accident. Satu pelajaran dari cara pemanduan mereka, pemandu-pemandu di sana langsung tidak berhemah, tetapi mereka sabar. Tapi di Malaysia, kita berhemah semasa memandu, tetapi tidak sabar. So mungkin sabar tuh menyebabkan kadar kemalangan hampir tiada disana. All the way from medan to lake toba and return, I can read the advertisement and sign, but most of them I cant really understand. Agak-agak ajerr. Semasa di Lao PDR dan Bangkok dulu, aku langsung tak reti n tak paham apa yang ditulis, tetapi bila bahasa melayu pun tak pa...

16 feb 06 Pesawat airasia AK 936 mengambil masa 55 minit dari KUL ke MES. Kami tiba di lapangan terbang Polonia jam 8.25 waktu tempatan (1 jam lewat berbaning waktu Malaysia). Teksi dari lapangan terbang ke pekan medan cost us rp 50000 – lebih kurang rm20. menurut pemandu teksi tersebut ini pertama kali dia jumpa 2 girls travel to Medan without agent, they normally 4 or 5 in a group plus must have guy in a group and normally travel trough agent. So we learnt a lesson. Kami menempah kenderaan dan penginapan ke Danau Toba. perjalanan mengambil masa lebih 4 jam. Tapi cara pemanduan mereka membuatkan aku takut, huh, he almost hit the lorry. So scary!!! Tapi mereka memang cekap, dalam perjalanan tu, aku percaya jer yang takde apa apa akan berlaku. Dalam hati aku tetap berdoa supaya semua selamat. Sampai di danau toba, we took a nap. Penat sangat dah. Then go out for sight seeing. Pemandangan disana memang aku tak boleh gambarkan dengan perkataan. We then took a boat riding to batu tergantun...

i havent write for so long....i'm not in a mood of telling story either... but i feel like talking to anyone... ISO file to review is on my table.... i know nothing bout auditing...but ..yet my boss assign me to be an auditor.... now my touch for technical getting less... i'm more to managerial work... am i ready to be a manager???? this few days... i'm really upset... no.. i'm depress... someone i luv turn me down ... really sucks!!!i'm here ...sincere..loyal... honest towards him... but he damn sucks!!! as for me... i cannot simply forget him as it is... i've been with him for quite some times.. do miss him every now n then.. but i really cant understand all this... kalau kita tak dapat apa yang kita suka...kita kene suka apa yang kita dapat... it's true...the dreams seldom comes true... cuz our dreams is always superb... without really know who r we... we never measure what we have... but simply hope for everything good... since i'm with him... we r s...

Yesterday, I went to IBM open house at KLGCC. The foods served are not so marvelous. I met my old buddies there, Jepp and Tom. They both look different. Jepp look chubby, luckily he recognized me, but forget my name, and tell Tom I’m around. Tom is physically different but still like what he used to during that campus time. It is nice catching with them again. Plan for some ‘open table’ someday. Just for coffee and updating on each other. Those days in UKM, I am not well known student. Hanged around with girls group and mix up with guys occasionally. I am one of ‘budak skip’ group. The small population in the faculty. I am not joined the ‘budak skip’ group or matriculation express group. But most of my friends from Kuala Pilah matriculation center. There is where I learn bout life. But I’m not struggling much on study. Luckily I’m graduated on time, even though the results turn out as an average class. I’m now on my way getting my masters degree. Time to finalized my writing, after a y...

Seingat aku, mula belajar puasa masa darjah 2. itu pun puasa mcm2 tu jer la. Tapi bila darjah 4 ada inisiatif aku sendiri nak belajar puasa penuh. Sebab dapat habuan kot. (tapi paling untung adik aku yang bongsu, masa primary school, paling banyak dia dapat habuan, ayah, azira dan aku masing masing bagi duit ikut hari yang dia puasa, tu belum campur duit raya).Kalau cerita pasal puasa, masa kecik2 dulu yang aku ingat, aku selalu kena paksa bangun sahur. Sampai dah besar pun, masa ayah ada, tiap pagi mesti kakak call kejutkan aku.Mak kata nanti letih kalau tak makan sahur. Tapi aku rasa masa aku termenung di meja makan lebih banyak dari masa aku makan. Paling best masa berbuka. Aku ni tak lah choosy sgt, air yang paling best, air sirap la. Lepas berbuka senyap2 aku kuar pergi main bunga api ngan kawan2. Masa tu, aku dan azira jer dua beradik. Berkotak2 dan macam2 bunga api yang ayah belikan untuk kitorang. Kawan2 mesti jeles je. Masa duduk kat sg buloh dulu kawan2 aku masa main bunga ap...

I still didn’t get my assignment yet (my big boss is in Beijing now). Just doing the TOT course. By the time I joint INTAN in 1998, it was on paper. But now, they put it online. Hey, it was my project, (I was the project coordinator for the TOT online). I’m not very happy with the project because I have my own idea instead of dump all the text into a digital format. I still found it boring, nothing much different from paper format except u can access it from anywhere. INTAN put more effort for the online thing. I worked with Consultant from Stratchclyde University, Dr Allan Goodall and his assistant, I can’t recall his name. A few local companies, UNITAR, KUB etc. It was finally SOLSIS. I have another 2 session to go for my TOT and the public speaking. Before I joint INTAN I am a very passive person. Never give a try to talk in front of big crowd. As for now, if I have knowledge on the topic given, I manage to deliver the ideas to everyone. My previous work here in INTAN was technical,...

hari nih aku dapat satu pepatah "kalau kita tak dapat apa yang kita suka. kita kene suka apa yang kita dapat" -dari kawan lama aku... kalau pk dari pandangan positif betul jugak. boleh practice ni. lagi satu "sayangi orang yang menyayangi kita, bukan orang yang kita sayang" yang ni tatau la betul ke tidak. sebab bagi aku, kalau kita tak sayang seseorang, macam mana orang tuh nak sayang kita? tapi bila pk balik betul jugak. apabila kita sayangkan seseorang dan dia tau kita sayangkan dia, dia tidak hargai sayang kita pada dia. sbb dia dah tau kita sayang dia, so dia buat tak kesah jer lah. tapi kalau orang tu sayang kita, memang dia sayang kita, so kita kene lah sayang dia balik.emmmm macam tu ker... sebab manusia jarang menghargai seseorang yang sayang padanya. tetapi jika orang tersebut telah hilang dari hidupnya barulah dia mula menyedari erti menghargai orang tersebut. kalau masih dapat diselamatkan ok la... kalau dah terlambat.... padan la muka kau.... so berfiki...

yesterday i had my berbuka puasa at my sister's house, with another sister as well..... today is monday.... i plan to do my TOT course, if the id still inactive.... emmm where should i heading to? gsc or tgv again???? i'm not escape from office huh.. no assignment yet, meaning to say i have more time for myself... today is my late mom's birthday.... my al-fatihah to her....

1st day puasa, this morning, I attended JPA’s monthly assembly at putrajaya. They introduced the new faces of JPA. Only 5 new faces were showed – for pengurusan dan professional group – including me. they put the title ‘puan’ in front of my name. emm… the other will definitely asking me bout that huh…. On the way to JPA, I was hoping to see Imran (my very good friend in INTAN those days. He left INTAN for his masters to Japan a year before I did. He is now in Research and Planning unit, JPA and I am back to INTAN. He recently got his third child- new born baby girl). luckyly i met him, once i stepped out from the hall i saw him. but we just have a chit-chat, cuz i need to catch the bus back to the office Another five hours to go … what shall I have for berbuka huh? Dah rasa letih sgt. I only had a mug of anlene milk this morning for sahur. Normally just a glass of plain water. I’m heading to KLIA after work, to meet Mi and Ayah Man, they going to Mecca (Mekah is a nicer word lah). They...

yesterday, all my trouble seem so far away... err... oppps....this is not bout beetles or my yester(days) years in INTAN. all the past diary closed. yesterday i officially work here in IMATEC (INTAN Management Technology Center), INTAN (National Institute of Public Adminisration). 1st thing in the morning just lepak at shimah's place till the admin people call (they still knew where to get me huh??). then cap teh (the word for having morning tea break ) at canteen with few frens. err for 11 months in BTP, i been to the btp's canteen for less then 5 times. there we start plan our after-raya activities - futsal, badminton, volley etc. am i a sports girl here??? no lah... i enjoy sports but no ones bother to involve in sports in BTP, emmm they have their own after work activities.... then when people see me again in INTAN, they said dah gemuk (emm sad to hear this). so again i need to include the 'losing weigth' target again in my 'azam tahun baru'. back to my new ...

Aku akan berada di BTP untuk 2 minggu jer lagi. Tolak pergi perluasan, so ada dalam 2 hari jer la aku kat sini. Sedih jugak aku nak bla dari sini. Banyak kenangan pahit manis aku kat sini. Kawan-kawan, pengalaman dan pengetahuan. Most of the time kat sini aku traveling. Banyak pengalaman yang aku dapat semasa Projek Peluasan ni. Terima kasih aku kepada En Nor Sukri Bin Ismail (boss aku la nih) kerana memberi kepercayaan kepada aku untuk menjadi fasilitator untuk projek tu, walaupun aku baru setahun jagung kat sini (blom pun setahun sebenarnya aku kat sini, dan jagung tuh pun aku tak pernah jumpa masa pergi perluasan). Walaupun ilmu pembestarian sekolah masih belom mantap. Walaupun tak banyak sumbangan aku kat Sektor Meja Bantuan nih, terima kasih juga kat boss sebab sekali lagi bagi kepercayaan pada aku untuk jadi ketua unit Infra dan Rangkaian (walaupun tak byk bab rangkaian yang aku buat kat sini. Aku sendiri pun tatau, aku bleh dapat handle network balik ke kat INTAN nanti, mcm kerj...